July 12th

Mazama Village Campground
4:11pm

Showering felt so nice- and it was a free shower, which made it feel even better. And clean clothing- mmm. Although there were even mosquitoes in the shower. I am so sick of these mosquitoes!!! I am hiding in the tent- again. We were so excited to get here because we figured it would be relatively mosquito free. But we were wrong. Our site is particularly infested because it is shady and there is still snow. But I think this was the dirtiest I have ever been. My hair was just one greasy, dusty, crunchy mass. It is actually not very clean now...even after shampooing twice.

Today while waiting in line to get a campsite, I met another PCT hiker. She is a French woman from the Alps, trailname: Edelweis. She is super intense though- she started in Campo, California (southern end of the PCT) and did the Sierra in May. MAY!! She was right behind us this whole section, and arrived at Mazama a few hours after us. She also isnt carrying a stove- she eats all of her food cold. I cant even imagine. After meeting her I have realized something important (or perhaps it has just been confirmed): I am not hardcore. I am not intense. I guess I am just not cut out to be a thruhiker.

I am pretty bummed about this whole scenario, though. All of this money, preparation and anticipation. And no one will ever understand how hard this week was, or what it was like. But I have weighed it over and over again- the pros and cons of continuing just for the sake of not giving up, versus ending this while keeping my wits about me and being true to myself. What is crazy is we were doing so well until that one snowy day, when we just fell apart. And once you start thinking about going home, there is no getting that out of your head.